What is this alone time you speak of?

My days are long, and generally start out early, with running shoes and a head lamp on.  It is my time of prayer, fresh air and solace. I cherish every second of it.

{side note: My husband refers to this as my self-medication.  He says everyones day starts better when Mommy runs, I wonder what he means by that? :)  }

Some days, I wish the sun would stay down just a bit longer so that I can keep running.  Some days, I return from my run and just stand in the driveway watching the sun turn the sky pink and orange and listen for the chickens to start talking, asking me to open their door.  Praise be to God for this gorgeous place I call home.


Back to reality, which means I eventually have to walk back in the house.  I am quite certain that door is a portal into another universe.  As in all family households, our mornings are full-tilt-boogie, semi-stressful and usually containing some drama from our oldest daughter and a lost belt or shoe somewhere. Yet, somehow they all get out the door (husband included), dressed, in one piece and with a lunch.  95% of the time they will even have everything they need!

 Whew, I am a total success so far and it is only 8 am.  In fact as I read somewhere, "given a tiara and cape, I am quite positive I could rule the world!"  Damn straight, throw some cute shoes in the mix and I am on my way to the parenting Hall of Fame!!  Ok, ok, get back on track here.  Kids and husband are gone and chores get done and some time during the day I always look forward to my daily devotional that I receive, via email, from my FCA team.  I hate to admit it, but some days it gives me that little bit of scripture time that I did not allow for myself.  I have got to get better at that!  A few days ago, the scripture piece was Mark 1:35-37 which reads:

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark,

He got up, went out, and made His way to a deserted place.

And He was praying there.

Simon and his companions went searching for Him.

They found Him and said,

"Everyone's looking for You!"

Wait, you mean Jesus was a Mom???  Do you think the disciples followed him to the bathroom too?

It is amazing isn't it?  You try so hard to get time to yourself, only to have someone track you down and ask for you to come fix it, heal it, cook it, clean it, bandage it, feel it, see it, correct it, and the list goes on.  Moms, I know you can understand this, some days, I find myself taking a deep breath, looking towards the sky and thinking that I am not sure I like the sound of my own name...well, at least not the "Moooooooooommmmmm!" name.  Now that our children are not constantly following me around I find I can at least go to the bathroom by myself. WAIT, nope, there is our dog, following me, and trying to put his head in my lap while I pee.  Now I understand why my mother-in-law used to lock herself in the bathroom.  The key word there being LOCK!  We should get those at our house. Hmmmm? 

Now, I realize that if you add the later part of this verse then it can be interpreted differently than how I did, but I am quite convinced that this verse was written so that I (or any mom out there) would not feel alone!  

Seriously, I keep this in my email so as to remind me that I am not the only one who is constantly being tracked down.  Equally as important, it tells me that if Jesus could get up while it is still dark and take His "alone time" then so can I!  

However, as much as it drives us crazy, it doesn't take a genius to realize that our job as parent and the fixer-of-all-things is precious and valuable.  People searched far and wide for Jesus, they tracked Him down to listen to His words and learn from His knowledge.  We strive to live more like Him and to walk in His glory.  I strive to live more like Him and walk in His glory.  If my kids are doing the same thing to me, then I am honored.  This means they choose me instead of some other idol, they choose me instead of violence, they choose me instead of feeling alone, they choose me just as God chose me to be their mother.  And really, if they are following me, then I pray that I am leading them honorably, creating disciples and showing them what it means to follow Him.  

Plus, I am pretty sure we have had some great talks in the bathroom.  No shame here.

A Big Decision With A Side Of Dessert

Happy Valentines Day to you all!  In a world full of amazing love, I am so thankful to be living out Gods plan and to be married to the love of my life.  Today is yet another day to remind myself of how blessed I am to have a partner who is my best friend and biggest supporter/fan. 

  "So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 

For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, 

and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. 

They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want." 

--Galatians 5:16-17

Last month, after the Arizona marathon,  my coaches began to ask me to decide what my plan for Boston was.  If I was going, we needed to continue preparations. I felt as though I was constantly praying about it and at a crossroads for a decision.  I have been training for quite awhile for this event and yet, something about it didn't seem right.  When I started to doubt if I should go or not, I would simply get online and search the entrance list for other Alaskans and Montanans who would be racing.  Why?  I liked to see my name on the list, to be reminded that I had qualified and become one of the chosen ones, who wouldn't?

Not long after that, I was reading a daily devotional that I receive from the Fellowship of Christian Athletes.  The story was about a man that was simply appalled when a football player made a tremendous play and then immediately pointed to his own name on his jersey to take credit for the achievement.  What about pointing to the team name on the jersey or to the rest of the team themselves?  I thought to myself that I too would have been disgusted by this selfish act.  However, later in the story, the author tells us that as sinners we are no different.  We may not be outwardly pointing at ourselves, but inwardly we want people to notice us. We can outwardly point a finger at those that do this, but really we need to look inside!  The author wrote, 

"when I compete, I need to die to myself. I can't point to myself, not even in the hidden areas of my heart. There needs to be a total sacrifice of the flesh, pointing toward God on the outside and on the inside. Our competition should bring attention 

to the only Famous One: Jesus Christ!"

Here I was, trying to decide if I should spend thousands of dollars that we have devoted to bringing home our twins and for what?  I was trying to convince myself that I wanted to race.  I was convincing myself that I wanted to continue training and exhausting myself emotionally and physically, knowing full well that the months ahead were going to be DIFFICULT and trying. Afterall, I planned to not only run in Boston, but race to the best of my ability.   However, when I looked inwardly, I realized that I only wanted to race because it showed everyone I was a chosen one, that I was a "Boston finisher" and that I was a "real runner".  I was not giving credit where credit is due.  They call it God given talent because that is what it is!  I needed to take a step back and remind myself that all this work I have done and the talent that I have been blessed with is in His glory, not mine.

I knew in my heart that this was not the right time for me.  I am a 34 year old child of God first, wife second, mother third, followed by...........................................runner.  I need to be true and faithful to that order.  As one of my coaches would say, I am still a young buck, I am fortunate enough to know that I can race Boston anytime.  God has other plans for me right now and they do not include seeing my name in the paper or the internet as a Boston finisher.  That is not something I need to define myself or my God-given talent.

So for now, I am at peace with my decision.  We are working just as hard as I would be if I was training to get our kiddos home.  There is no way I would ever give up running, it is a part of my daily self-medication, but for now, I am going to be content with just running to keep myself in ice cream and dessert!  Most days, I find those things more rewarding than a medal anyway.

One busy week!

The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy    Psalms 126:3

This post won't be as insightful and emotionally transparant as others but I thought some of you may be interested in an update...

...We have been absolutely and completely overwhelmed with blessings these past couple weeks.  We cannot believe the way God is working for and in us.

First off, over 1000 people from all over the world have read our blog.  SO COOL!!!! Keep them coming!

Last Sunday, we were pleasantly surpised to find our official referral in our in-box of our email.  We also had recieved a message that our revised home study (our original one was for Ethiopia) would be at the office in Twin Bridges on Monday.  We knew this was going to be a big week for us.  We were brimming with excitement and overwhelming by dollar signs! We had been praying for as much work as we could handle for me and the Lord provided me with 3 substitute teaching jobs, a few blankets to make and special ordered necklaces galore for Emma (and I).  We still needed to send our paperwork to the capital to be authenticated so, in true Johnson/Fry fashion, Josh and I decided we would rally it all in one day. 

Monday morning, I set off on a day of driving.  My first stop was Twin Bridges, MT.  This tiny town is just about 90 minutes from Bozeman and home to the Winston Rod Company. I was able to pick up our home study, as well as one for another family in Bozeman.  Then I headed off for the second leg of my journey.  Another 90 minutes later, I arrived in Helena for a visit with the Secretary of the State's office.  Luckily for me, she had all the paperwork ready for us and I was headed back to Bozeman.  I was dead set on having our dossier scanned to our agency by the end of the work day and sure enough, I did. 

Exhausted, I went home to make dinner and study with the kids, knowing that our dossier was submitted, our referral was accepted, our home study was in hand, i600a application is in and our loan and grant applications were in.  Usually, there is some time between all of these, but oh well, this way works for us.  We would have preferred to have been able to apply for loans and grants before writing the checks for our referral, but we know that faith in God is faith in His timing.  Apparantly, this is how it is supposed to be. 

On that same note, we are so very thankful to all of you that have written me about our blog, ordered charms from Emma, special ordered from me, felt moved by our Lord to donate to us, shared our story, and prayed for our family.  Emma has sold over 30 necklaces to friends as well as strangers who are now friends.  I am doing my best to keep up with all of your blanket and caramel orders.  We asked, and He is providing.  No complaints here!

Yesterday, we were able to send the kiddos in DRC their first care package.  What fun!!!  Our kids are spoiled already and we haven't even met them yet.  Our agency told us that they will introduce us to them through our photo books.  In the timely fashion of this week, they told us on Tuesday afternoon and the package had to be together and mailed to the Denver office by Wednesday.  I definitely don't have to wonder why I am sleeping so deeply lately, I am worn out and it is only Thursday!

What is next you ask?  Well, now we wait for translation and more authentication.  We pray we will have another update for you in about 3 weeks.  This gives me some time to get caught up on the housework that has been neglected over the last couple weeks and maybe have lunch with a girlfriend who just recieved her referral from China!  YAY!!! 

Again, thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all of you who are joined with us, in even the smallest way.  We look forward to each day, each message we recieve, and each prayer that is made.  This journey is much more peaceful and a lot more fun knowing we are not alone.

YOU GUYS ROCK!!!

One Day/One Lunch

It is Saturday morning and here I am at my computer, reading my favorite blogs and enjoying a little breakfast.  The kids love Saturday because they get to watch television.  I love it because I can hang out in my robe for the morning!

I clicked on one of my very regular favorites, Building the Blocks and came across her latest post as well as a link to her amazing teenage daughter, Addisyn, and her blog Life as a Missionary Kid. This lovely lady is 16 or 17 and is a beautiful example of our Lord and I am so impressed! I am so completely moved that I am raring and ready to go for the day with a smile.  This family has given their lives to Christ as missionaries in Guatemala.

For the last three years, Addisyn has spearheaded a day she calls One Day/One Lunch. It is a day that she encourages others to skip a lunch and enable someone else to have one.  I promise you will not go hungry.  99.9% of us, as Americans, will never know hunger pains the way that the 160 million orphans in the world will.  We will never wonder if there will ever be food in our bellies again.  We will never wonder if there is someone who will hug and love us.

This year, One Day/One Lunch which is February 3rd,  falls on Super Bowl Sunday. Addisyn asks that we, as spoiled Americans skip lunch that day and consider donating the money, that lunch would have cost you, to helping orphans that have never known what it feels like to be "full" of anything, especially food.

While you are preparing to watch the Super Bowl and devour incredible amounts of tasty treats and watch commercials that can cost upwards of 2 million dollars, please consider missing just one meal and giving it to someone else.  If you just can't miss a meal, please keep this phenomenal young lady in your prayers.  You can donate to this incredible teenagers program at One Day/One Lunch.

**Please indicate that your donation is for Village of Hope-One Day/One Lunch when giving.

The Couple That Prays Together...

My hubby may strangle me for sharing this post, but I know that I cannot be alone in this topic so I am taking my chances.  Besides, I can take him, or at least find a way to get myself out of the situation!

I am not often a worrier.  It drives my mother in law and husband crazy.  I swear the most common response I have to my hubby’s many worries is “I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it.”  He responds with “well do you want to?”  “Uh, nope.”

I know when I was young I was the melodramatic, hormonal “crazy” girl that my daughter is now.  I don’t know how my parents or sister got through my adolescence.  As I have gotten older, I keep hearing my Dad preaching at me “don’t sweat the small stuff” and truth be told, I just don’t.  BUT, lately, I have become a wonderer and it is keeping me awake at night.  Please note that in my mind, wondering is far less stressful than worryingJ.  I wonder if my studio will ever be organized, I wonder if our daughter will ever be less of a stress case, I wonder if our son will ever want to read a book for fun, I wonder if both of them will ever find an activity that they are truly passionate about.  I wonder if our twins are getting enough to eat, if they feel safe, if they know in their hearts that we are coming for them and if they know the Lord, I wonder where the money to get them home is going to come from.  My biggest one though is I wonder if my hubby prays for all the things that I wonder about.  I am embarrassed to say that I have never asked him.  Why is this?  I have wanted to ask him forever if we could pray together and was…scared maybe?  I am not really sure.  We are talking about my best friend here right?  I mean this man has seen my cry my eyes as puffy as golf balls, he has watched me give birth to two children and I am scared to ask him to pray with me?  What is that all about and am I alone in this fear?

So, as I usually do when I don’t want to talk about it, I pray about it.  Then, as God has it, the sermon at church this weekend was about talking to others about their faith.  We were reminded that genuine love and compassion are true motivators for discussing your faith with others.  I sat there thinking “isn’t that what we have as a couple?”  My incredible husband led me into my walk with God.  When we met, I was soooo far from the Lord.  He was willing to look past my outer issues and my past and introduce me to a life that is saved, a life walking with Jesus Christ.  What do I have to be scared of?

I came home last night and through the fear and insecurity aside and asked my husband to pray with me.  I asked if we could start praying together regularly.  I want to be reassured that we are on the same page in this crazy life and a night out to dinner and a movie is not going to get that done.  There is no conversation that we can have that will give us the sense of security and trust that praying together can.  I feel asleep at peace, with no sense of wonder and slept the best I have in a long time. 

Why had it taken 12 years for that to happen? I tell you what; I will not spend one more day going to sleep wondering.  Life is too short and I cannot wait to see how God works in our life because of this change.  

Lessons learned over the weekend

We spent the weekend in Phoenix and capped it off with me running the Rock n Roll marathon.  It was meant to be a "practice" race for Boston.  Practice means you learn something and hopefully get better right?  Learn something I did.  I felt like I was learning something every day and each mile...

...the $2,000,000 automobile we watched be auctioned at the Barrett Jackson auction could have fed 1.2 million orphaned children for a WEEK! The $4,200,000 Batmobile is a whole other conversation.

...extended time with your spouse and without kids is a MUST in any relationship.

...someone who smiles at you and knows your name can make you smile back no matter what. Brittany Gable, thank you for being an out of nowhere cheering squad for me!

...when I thought I was hurting, I thought of the 5 million orphans whom I was positive had felt hurt much worse than what I was feeling.

...I wanted to drop out at mile 19 and my mom wouldn't let me, now that is a phenomenal woman. Mommas always know best.

...I will never give up doing whatever I can to give ours kiddos a loving and healthy home, why would I give up in a silly race?

...my Dad ran his 92nd marathon (with little training) this weekend because his "bucket list" has 100 on it.  Now that is serious goal setting and faith.  I pray I can stick to my goals that way.  He is an inspiration to me every day.

...no matter how hard you train, 26.2 miles is a long way and it hurts!

...the sight of your kids, waiting for you at the airport, even though you have only been gone 3 days is AWESOME!

God Stories

A couple months back, I was talking with my girlfriends, Danna and Tara, about their adoptions.  The questions always seem to come up of how you cope emotionally and financially when talking with other adoptive moms.  They both told me that I would never believe the ways that God will work in our lives in the journey.  I did not quite understand this until a few days ago.

My best friend, Holly, and I always love to share what we term as "God stories."  So I thought I would share my latest with you!

I have been purging the house of all things that aren't needed, used or wanted.  Craigslist and eBay have become my most used apps on my phone.  I was selling a couple books and came across a lady on FB who was looking for said books.  I had never met her but we struck up a conversation on FB Messenger and ended up talking for quite some time about God, family and our adoption.  The books were being sold for $100 and while I was chatting with her, my paypal account notice came across the screen of my phone saying that she had sent me $200.  I immediately told her that it was only supposed to be $100 for both not for each and that she had overpaid me.  She said "No I didn't, I know it isn't much but I hope it helps.  I know it will be the first of much."  I was sitting in an oversized chair in our sitting room crying.  All those conversations I had with the ladies about God working in crazy ways flooded my thoughts!  Remembering that I had no idea where in the world she lived, I asked her where I should send the books.  Turns out, she lives in Helena.  That is a 1 1/2 hour drive from us.

Whoa, so this is what my girlfriends meant?!?  I think I will be continuing to praise God  for my overflowing heart every second that I can.

First Things First

This is my first blog entry here and I find myself lost for words.  That NEVER happens to me, just ask my husband.  I can talk your ear off!   That probably explains why I have never quite heard God like I did this past year.  I am quite certain that I was doing all the talking and not enough listening.

Here is how this story begins...

...Last fall, on a typical dark, early morning training run, I was deep in prayer and knew that God was telling me that 2013 would be the time for me to "retire" from run racing.  This was to be the end (or pause) of one chapter of my life and the beginning of another, I just wasn't sure what other meant. You see, I have been a competitive runner since I was little. I was a high school state champ in Alaska, went to college in Montana on a scholarship and never stopped trying to beat people on foot. I do not think of myself as a distance runner but a self-challenge arose in 2011 and I ran the Honolulu Marathon qualifying first round for the Boston Marathon 2013.  It was my original goal, after all, but now I wasn't so sure that I wanted to be a "marathoner"  So, I continued to train for whatever came up.  For the first time in my so-called running career I suddenly felt at peace with what He was telling me and said, "ok God, if that is your plan then so be it."  I came home and told Josh my thoughts and his response was "um, lets revisit that idea in a few months and see if you still feel that way."

Another dark, early morning training session happened and I came home with the feeling that we were called to adopt.  This time, I didn't share the thought.  I have been dead set on two kids since we had our daughter in 2003.  Two, that is it.  We even made it permanent.  My husband was going to freak!

I continued to listen and both feelings never faded.  Boston it was and we were called to adopt.

I told Josh at the end of September.  I also told him that I thought God had twins, around our sons age,  for us.  For a long time I think he was hoping it was an idea that I would eventually forget about.

I didn't.

We did our home study in October and I swear that Josh only agreed to it to make me happy.
We decided that if we were going to do this, we would choose between Ethiopia and Moldova.  A new friend encouraged me to look at the Congo, but it all seemed a little scary so we decided on Ethiopia.
We chose an agency, did all the paperwork, compiled a dossier but Josh never felt like it was right.  Luckily for us, I chose to be a Godly wife and just be patient with his decision.  After all, God knew what our timing was suppose to be and I was trying really hard to not be as damn pushy as I tend to be.
Then, per our parents request, we decided to sit on the idea for a couple months (they asked for 6-12, we gave them 3) and see what brewed.  After all, we have always said we only wanted two.

After a Christmas, the calling was still deep in me.  A girlfriend of mine, texted me to ask if I would pray for her family's decision to adopt 4 sisters from DRC.  Whoa, 4!  Did I mention they already have 4 bio kids and 4 from Ethiopia?  My busy life with two kids was sounding pretty weak right about then.  I told her that, of course, I would pray and could I see a picture?  She let me log on, under her name, to the website where their girls were pictured.  The first page of kids pops up and I gasp.  There in front of me are our 6 year old twins.  I called Josh at work, some switch in his heart flipped and we immediately started pursuing the adoption of our kiddos from a country we weren't considering and never planned to visit.

The rest is history, or I guess future :)  Whatever you call it, we are totally in love, way excited and thrilled that you will be on this journey with us.