My hubby may strangle me for sharing this post, but I know that I cannot be alone in this topic so I am taking my chances. Besides, I can take him, or at least find a way to get myself out of the situation!
I am not often a worrier. It drives my mother in law and husband crazy. I swear the most common response I have to my hubby’s many worries is “I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it.” He responds with “well do you want to?” “Uh, nope.”
I know when I was young I was the melodramatic, hormonal “crazy” girl that my daughter is now. I don’t know how my parents or sister got through my adolescence. As I have gotten older, I keep hearing my Dad preaching at me “don’t sweat the small stuff” and truth be told, I just don’t. BUT, lately, I have become a wonderer and it is keeping me awake at night. Please note that in my mind, wondering is far less stressful than worryingJ. I wonder if my studio will ever be organized, I wonder if our daughter will ever be less of a stress case, I wonder if our son will ever want to read a book for fun, I wonder if both of them will ever find an activity that they are truly passionate about. I wonder if our twins are getting enough to eat, if they feel safe, if they know in their hearts that we are coming for them and if they know the Lord, I wonder where the money to get them home is going to come from. My biggest one though is I wonder if my hubby prays for all the things that I wonder about. I am embarrassed to say that I have never asked him. Why is this? I have wanted to ask him forever if we could pray together and was…scared maybe? I am not really sure. We are talking about my best friend here right? I mean this man has seen my cry my eyes as puffy as golf balls, he has watched me give birth to two children and I am scared to ask him to pray with me? What is that all about and am I alone in this fear?
So, as I usually do when I don’t want to talk about it, I pray about it. Then, as God has it, the sermon at church this weekend was about talking to others about their faith. We were reminded that genuine love and compassion are true motivators for discussing your faith with others. I sat there thinking “isn’t that what we have as a couple?” My incredible husband led me into my walk with God. When we met, I was soooo far from the Lord. He was willing to look past my outer issues and my past and introduce me to a life that is saved, a life walking with Jesus Christ. What do I have to be scared of?
I came home last night and through the fear and insecurity aside and asked my husband to pray with me. I asked if we could start praying together regularly. I want to be reassured that we are on the same page in this crazy life and a night out to dinner and a movie is not going to get that done. There is no conversation that we can have that will give us the sense of security and trust that praying together can. I feel asleep at peace, with no sense of wonder and slept the best I have in a long time.
Why had it taken 12 years for that to happen? I tell you what; I will not spend one more day going to sleep wondering. Life is too short and I cannot wait to see how God works in our life because of this change.