Thursday, February 14, 2013

A Big Decision With A Side Of Dessert

Happy Valentines Day to you all!  In a world full of amazing love, I am so thankful to be living out Gods plan and to be married to the love of my life.  Today is yet another day to remind myself of how blessed I am to have a partner who is my best friend and biggest supporter/fan. 

  "So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 
For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, 
and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. 
They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want." 
--Galatians 5:16-17

Last month, after the Arizona marathon,  my coaches began to ask me to decide what my plan for Boston was.  If I was going, we needed to continue preparations. I felt as though I was constantly praying about it and at a crossroads for a decision.  I have been training for quite awhile for this event and yet, something about it didn't seem right.  When I started to doubt if I should go or not, I would simply get online and search the entrance list for other Alaskans and Montanans who would be racing.  Why?  I liked to see my name on the list, to be reminded that I had qualified and become one of the chosen ones, who wouldn't?

Not long after that, I was reading a daily devotional that I receive from the Fellowship of Christian Athletes.  The story was about a man that was simply appalled when a football player made a tremendous play and then immediately pointed to his own name on his jersey to take credit for the achievement.  What about pointing to the team name on the jersey or to the rest of the team themselves?  I thought to myself that I too would have been disgusted by this selfish act.  However, later in the story, the author tells us that as sinners we are no different.  We may not be outwardly pointing at ourselves, but inwardly we want people to notice us. We can outwardly point a finger at those that do this, but really we need to look inside!  The author wrote

"when I compete, I need to die to myself. I can't point to myself, not even in the hidden areas of my heart. There needs to be a total sacrifice of the flesh, pointing toward God on the outside and on the inside. Our competition should bring attention 
to the only Famous One: Jesus Christ!"

Here I was, trying to decide if I should spend thousands of dollars that we have devoted to bringing home our twins and for what?  I was trying to convince myself that I wanted to race.  I was convincing myself that I wanted to continue training and exhausting myself emotionally and physically, knowing full well that the months ahead were going to be DIFFICULT and trying. Afterall, I planned to not only run in Boston, but race to the best of my ability.   However, when I looked inwardly, I realized that I only wanted to race because it showed everyone I was a chosen one, that I was a "Boston finisher" and that I was a "real runner".  I was not giving credit where credit is due.  They call it God given talent because that is what it is!  I needed to take a step back and remind myself that all this work I have done and the talent that I have been blessed with is in His glory, not mine.

I knew in my heart that this was not the right time for me.  I am a 34 year old child of God first, wife second, mother third, followed by...........................................runner.  I need to be true and faithful to that order.  As one of my coaches would say, I am still a young buck, I am fortunate enough to know that I can race Boston anytime.  God has other plans for me right now and they do not include seeing my name in the paper or the internet as a Boston finisher.  That is not something I need to define myself or my God-given talent.

So for now, I am at peace with my decision.  We are working just as hard as I would be if I was training to get our kiddos home.  There is no way I would ever give up running, it is a part of my daily self-medication, but for now, I am going to be content with just running to keep myself in ice cream and dessert!  Most days, I find those things more rewarding than a medal anyway.

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